The Nizhoni Life: Because We Are Living in a Material World

Wow getting inspired and following your passions is a lot more difficult when you have a lot of things to get rid of! I had this idea of getting rid of EVERYTHING and living a free life from anything besides basic necessities; camping, backpacking and survival gear - free from it all! Life a simple lifestyle. I was so excited for a new adventure and everyone is telling me how excited they are for me and it’s pumping me up.

I remember back in 2008 – my memorable backpacking trip with only my backpack and everything in it left to survive. It brought a lot of perspective of what you actually need. All my clothes, suits, shoes and trinkets are just junk, taking up space and keeping you grounded. I wanted to get that freedom back and live it up so I decided to “donate” everything.

Well … that is what I had in mind but wow! It’s embarrassing the things I got attached to. I put an ad on Craigslist for a donation sale – pay what you can afford or if you need it take it. It was all posted in good heart and ‘faith’ that people would be willing to help me on my journey. The first couple that came by came for a lamp. As we got to talk and I told them what I was doing they got so excited they began to invade my space and take ask for other items. It felt weird and this is when I realized maybe I am not quite ready to give everything up. He asked how much I wanted for my fancy coffee maker and Bose system, I told him I needed them still and he stopped and said, “well if you’re going to be traveling and rafting why do you need these?” Damn. He got me there, silly me. They dropped some cash in a vase I had sitting on my table, wished me luck and took a lamp and the energy was positively high.

I got tons of emails with stories of people in need of towels, blankets, kitchenware, etc. I invited a guy who let me know he just moved out from his parents and was excited to begin his independent journey but didn’t have anything. He came by and I stuffed a few bags full of kitchen items and he wanted to take my couch. For some reason, I had the hardest time letting go of my couch. He said he couldn’t afford to get one and I sent him on his way couch-less thinking someone would be willing to pay. Not thinking twice about this I moved on to other email inquiries and lots of people set up times for my couch and other items but also trying to plan meet ups with other friends I just didn’t have the time to meet up with them.

Later I felt weird about not letting that guy take my couch, my ad did after all say “take what you need and pay what you can afford.” I felt guilty and I wondered how he felt about my words and me. It sat with me for a minute and I tried to just move onto an actual buyer. I also had a plan of ridding myself of all clothes except hiking and practical wear. I wanted to take to Buffalo Exchange; a store that buys and sells used clothes for more extra cash since there were suit jackets and tops I never wore before.

I separated everything and randomly had 4 girls come by and I offered to let them rummage through my closet. Thinking they would only take 3-5 things, I found myself finding this all very difficult. I was completely shocked and felt as if I was being violated and robbed in some way. Even though I invited it and I set this us and in the end this is what I asked for – why was I questioning and not wanting to give these things up?! My dear friend, who just lost her job was thankful for the entire wardrobe but for some reason I felt like I needed to draw some type of line. I was torn in between trying to make some money for gas and food since I won’t be working for about 1.5 months and thinking about adding up expenses and how much I could get for new clothes and a couch to get me from a to b. I stopped this amazing and innocent dear friend and let her know my circumstance. I had asked anyone that came over for more than just a few items for donations and she could contribute in anyway would be helpful. And I wasn’t trying to seem all about money here, a box of macaroni, case of beer, $20 would be helpful down the road.

Was this wrong of me to do? I still don’t know to this day. But I do know I felt like as ass and I probably just rubbed her the wrong way and possibly lost her trust. I later found out it was humiliating to her and this tore me up and I don’t know how to fix it. The only thing I have to go by is knowing she’s an awesome person that takes life as it comes in the most positive way.

It made me question my motives, made me feel like shit and question my journey and made me call the college kid back and begged him to come pick up my couch for free.

I had to go on a run to clear my thoughts, I never run. Has living in the city, my becoming an atheist made me an immoral jerk? Is this even a question or morality? Have I become a person that values money and possessions? Where did this come from? Am I really a terrible person? What was I doing? Was this part of the plan? What did I get myself wrapped into the past 3.5 years?

As the days got closer, I really just needed everything out and gone. I feel bad for Bryan my roommate who had to put up with a mess for 30 days spread out all over the place. As the time got shorter I just didn’t care, I just wanted to get robbed to make the loads up and down the stairs easier and the packing quicker.

I am thankful for Christina, a dear friend that I met through James. She is the most innovative, resourceful, creative person I have ever met. She took everything else and as she was sorting was like oh I can use this for this, etc and everything I don’t need I will take to Goodwill for you. I needed that. She may not know but that was the biggest help besides my best friend Jesse taking all the loads up and down the stairs in the sun.

Its April 30^th I need to be out of my apartment in 2 hours and not sure if everything I have left will fit. It all worked out and I began my trip through Idaho without being able to see out of the back of my car. I get into Salt Lake City and need to navigate through the city to Preston’s house. The drivers are ridiculous and don’t care I can’t see them. Trying to pass and merge into lanes crossing my fingers there was no one in the next lanes I was ready to throw all this shit out into the dumpster – I packed WAY too much! I unloaded my Utah bag I packed along with patio furniture, my toothbrushing chair, more pillows and blankets to “gift” to Preston. Luckily he was in the market for patio furniture and just ripped his sheets the night before. “For my safety” he offered to store my winter items: snowboard, snowshoes, boots till I drive back through on my way to Colorado.

Not only can I now see through my windows in the car, but I see how I’ve become attached to ridiculous things that could cost me not only dear friendships but my life.