The Mourning of Thanksgiving

I am incredibly grateful for my self built communities, particularly here at NOLS in Lander, Wyoming. Since moving here 2.5 years ago, I honestly wasn't stoked to move to Wyoming...like literally, what the fuck is in Wyoming? Who actually moves there? I was also getting slightly worried on the drive up thinking, "What the hell did I just do? Why is it so flat, and ugly, and windy?!" When I rolled into Lander, population 7,000, I was pleased to see beautiful bright blue lakes, red and limestone rocks to climb, grassy hills peaking underneath the snowmelt, and the Wind River Range within reach, but also a bit skeptical... Would I like it here? Would it be the same communities that I've built for myself back when I lived in Utah, Alaska, Oregon, and Lake Tahoe?

I remember turning on the radio driving into the high desert of 5,000 ft, to catch a local station with "pow wow" music blaring. With no fucks given, I rolled down my windows to feel the wind in my hair and felt instantly connected to the land of the Apsáalooke, nodding my head to the drumbeats with my left hand out the window feeling the waves of wind brush through my fingers.

Moving here 2.5 years ago, I had many different perspectives than I agree with as I now see the world with a different lens. When I moved here, I was in transition of just having graduated college after a 5 year gap, then studying psychology and outdoor leadership, I also initiated a break up after 3 years of blissful, polyamorous living. I also had constant new world views after leaving religion and identifying as an Atheist. I also didn't understand I was undergoing initial phases of understanding and recognizing trauma. I was career focused, ready to accelerate into a new career in outdoor education. I just phased out my hospitality management career and wanted to make someone of myself in the outdoor industry by initiating #EricasRevolution.

With stars, arriving in Lander, in my eyes as well as thinking this would be easy, I wasn't ready to undergo more cultural competency, more curtains lifted before me about myself and my culture; I wasn't ready to deeper understand my mother, my family, my ancestors, and myself, having been through incredible amounts of historical trauma that we swept underneath the rug to thrive in today's society. Today's society is dominated by white culture that I have been ingrained to adapt to...to assimilate to. That my immediate family and my ancestors have been taught and trained to be "white."

Living in the modern day, as a millennial "kill the Indian, save the man" has become even more alive today. I see this when I am told to "be professional," when I see power hoarding, asked to show 'a sense of urgency', having my supervisors or coworkers possess a "savior complex" over me that they are doing me a favor by hiring for "diversity," that "good for you" for being here pat on the back. "You can work here but then you need to assimilate to our dominate white culture, and there is no support for you once you walk in the door." 

I have discovered an incredible amount of resilience within myself over 2018. In this discovery, I am finding this characteristic to be more of an evolutionary trait that was ingrained in my from my ancestors, including my mother, as a product of trauma and assimilation. My nuclear family and ancestors have been put through brutal situations since colonization/arrival of the "pilgrims," and since we were taught in the 1990's about that "first Thanksgiving." In school I was raised thinking, like many of you, the Mayflower landed on Plymouth Rock and Squanto helped save the Europeans by teaching them to hunt, gather, grow, and then eating their first harvest together in harmony. Then as an adult, why is there poverty on Indian reservations? Why aren't tribes doing better for themselves? Why is there still no electricity or running water on the Navajo reservation? Why is Standing Rock or Bears Ears protection a big deal? Why do some of my indigenous family members deal with depression, alcoholism, and suicide at higher rates than other cultures? Why do police in many US cities fail to track murdered, missing Indigenous women but track white women that are? 

Today... Today I am on social media seeing how you're grateful for your family, loved ones, and food. So. Much. Food. You're giving thanks for your privileged life, which you deserve to. I am not here to service white guilt. I am not here to change your traditions or thoughts on how you choose to honor this 3rd Thursday in November. I am here to simply put my story out there to hopefully spark new thoughts of what it's like having people like me in your life; your silly and brilliant Navajo friend, neighbor, coworker, acquaintance, and or just some rando you follow on social. 

The time I've put into understanding the trauma and the pain hasn't been easy or fun, but it's been a refreshing journey to be able to make up my own damn mind and make my own decisions to honor my past and my ancestors. I am feeling an incredible amount of pressure to become an awesome ancestor, an educator, a protector of the land. As a Navajo millennial, understanding the trauma of my history and my privilege is incredibly freeing and simultaneously difficult.

Many times I feel I am navigating today's society alone in this odd space - white culture, my own privilege, yet burdened by my ancestor's past. My family may be content on living in white culture, my other indigenous friends may love the assimilation of woking in professional office. I am incredibly grateful for my online indigenous family I've been fortunate to meet over this year in 2018. I am also thankful to be in a local space with huge hearted folx that want to learn more and that are "woke" as fuck. I am incredibly grateful for my handpicked NOLS and Lander community to the fullest, you all inspire me to thrive to become more of myself. 

I thank my work environment for opening my eyes to many things that are going well and many things that are fucked up as a means to grow stronger. While my small community inspires me, I also face white supremacy when I walk into work each day, it's like this thing that cannot be unseen, now that I know. I work for an all white organization, dominated by white males and with a heavy unconscious bias towards them. I am conflicted when I believe in the mission but am failed and excluded when I don't see the mission played out in the office. I was sent this quote that I can't get off my mind: 

“When the culture of any organization mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of a system and those in power than it is to protect the basic human dignity of the individuals who serve that system or who are served by that system, you can be certain that the shame is systemic, the money is driving ethics, and the accountability is all but dead. 

This is true in corporations, nonprofits, universities, governments, faith communities, schools, families, and sports programs. If you think back on any major scandal fueled by cover-ups, you’ll see this same pattern. And the restitution and resolution of cover-ups almost always happens in the wilderness—when one person steps outside their bunker and speaks their truth.” ― Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

This has so much truth to this that I can resonate with on a very personal level. I left a corporate career 4 years ago in pursuit of a new one in outdoor education. I thought what I was leaving was a culture that did everything to protect the reputation of a system of those in power, I was expected to treat employees as if they were replaceable, as if they had unlimited resources to find another job and we didn't care because there were more people in line to apply. I found this to be true in non-profits and in Christianity as well. There is literally no difference in how both corporate, non-profits, or the Christian faith operate - money drives everything and the "right thing to do" flies out the window. 

I've recently (in the last 2 months) come to terms that if I want to work this hard for something that won't even have my back, I may as well work this hard for something I am building myself. I am incredibly excited to partner up with a former co-worker that found similar adversities and frustrations in "the system," so we're teaming up to do some dismantling white supremacy in organizations, clubs, and corporations. We are gearing up for a new website, a line of clients waiting for the training I have been trying to get my organization to open up and value. I am excited for this next step and not sure where it'll go or for how long, but right now I feel this is my calling. Passionate and authentic training, conversations, and personal growth. Stay tuned for more at the end of this month. 

I don't think I could do this without my Lander/NOLS community. 

Ahéhee’

Elite+ Premier is White Privilege

I travel a lot for work. When I lived and traveled with Jocelyn about 4 years ago, he encouraged me to sign up for a United mileage plus card to get points. When he would purchase flights for my birthday overseas we got lounge and premier access and it was great. I guess you could say I got spoiled and used to the accommodations. While traveling for fun, I also racked up a ton of miles. I also have a working history and currently relationships with Marriott hotels. I know the inner workings of hotels and how to get clutch accommodations, in a positive way. Meaning, if I can get a voucher from a current employee, I get an incredible room rate and chances are the person checking me in will give me a great room and concierge lounge access. They give me the benefits of an “Elite” member and I also accrue reward points simultaneously. If you are not familiar with concierge lounges, they are the equivalent to airport clubs; free drinks, free food such as breakfast, hors d'oeuvres, dessert, and access to business centers. Elite members also get the rooms with the best views: overlooking city, rivers, main attractions and away from elevators and general noise. I will also disclose that they have the complete control to put me in a shitty noisy room if they are busy with full paying guests.

With airline “silver premier” accommodations, this includes not much other than boarding in group 2 and not having to pay extra for legroom. I get to bypass TSA lines, and get my luggage tagged priority meaning it comes out first, included annually are 2 passes to the club lounge which is fine but whatever, it’s free. I also I get upgraded to first class if available, which happens often because I typically fly to where no one goes, so it’s never a full flight.

I know what it’s like to travel comfortably and also cheaply, however, I don’t know what it’s like to have cheap lodging but that is besides the point. I am here to talk about travel and diversity.

The elite and premier access that I have has made me realize, there aren’t more people of color traveling and traveling often. I am stuck currently in a DC concierge lounge filled with white men talking about shallow subjects that always come down to who’s dick is bigger. There is not one person of color let alone a single woman. I am consistently the only woman of color sitting in first class. While in first class, the attendant often overlooks me, for example, some flights during peak meal times will include a breakfast or dinner. No matter my seat, I’ve always noticed they come to me last, even if there is a white woman in first, they will always accommodate them first. I see white men excessively drinking cocktails and I get rude looks when I ask for a single glass of wine, like it’s an inconvenience to them. I often get side stepped or people trying to cut in front of me to board thinking I am not a premier member that belongs in the line. I often get a surprised look when my group is called.

All this classist shit drive me up the fucking wall. Why do you need to provide parameters around travel to see who deserves legroom or not. Who can board a fucking plane first, or who gets better service and allows other passengers to treat “lower class” differently? Classism and travel is a huge problem that I am not sure I want to get myself into. I hate having to rub shoulders with the short white men in shitty uncomfortable suits that think they deserve everyone else to stand out of their way. They are so impatient, so rude, and clueless to the world. They suck and suck a big dick, most likely the man next to them’s dick.

While companies think they are building customer loyalty, they are just building more boundaries for equality.

All the white people always think you’re in their way. Well fuck you and so you know, all hotel staff laugh at you and your perceived privilege after you leave the front desk. We cheers with PBRs proudly that you think we care about your 800 thread count sheets, extra towels, and asshole lickings. End of rant, maybe...

Graceful Degradation

I’ve been an atheist for 6 years now. In 2011 I experienced a documentary and introduced to graceful degradation when shots were fired at my 7 strong beliefs I held in knowing that god was real. Below is the simplified list of 7 concepts of god, when one is argued against, you have many other points to stand firmly on. It took one person, many books, deeper dives in the bible, and critical thinking to shoot down all 7 and left me feeling like the rug was pulled underneath my feet.

1. Bible: the divine word of god inspired by god. This is inherit wisdom directly handed to us by god, how could you turn your back against god’s word? 
2. Logical arguments: presented by a reputable authority. They made me question but I always relied on my faith. They made me question for like 2 seconds then I prayed and asked for forgiveness for even doubting that long. 
3. Morality: god is the source of morality, without him, there are no morals. God is good and all actions and all things are for his purpose. 
4. Creation: the beauty and complexity of our universe and all life is a testament of god. 
5. Other Christians; helped booster my belief by example and by numbers. How could 2.5 billion people be wrong? Also in my own experience, how could anyone believe what I believe with passion and devotion be a non-Christian? Seems impossible.
6. Prayer: provided a basis of belief through the perception of answered prayer. 
7. My personal relationship with god: my personal experiences with god, how could you not believe after feeling you have communicated with god himself?! I walked and talked with him. There is no way this wasn’t real.

After I completed the documentary, Why I Am No Longer a Christian, I was left struggling to get back up, it hurt and I was scared. The curtain was pulled and it was like I saw my father taking off the beard that exposed Santa wasn’t real. Now that I know, it’s hard to go back believing in Santa. I was such a fool, I was tricked and I felt abandoned with nowhere to turn and no one to talk to. My network was all believers in god and they would not understand what I just discovered. I went through stages of emotions and behaviors that I am not all proud of but felt necessary stages for me to go through during my de-conversion. 

At first I was scared, I was lonely. I really had no one to talk to and the concept to my best friend and she denied it, she said, “no it’s just a stage and how could you not believe, we know we experience god by walking and talking with him.” I knew I couldn’t attempt to try and explain what I just went through. I also tried to talk to my non--Christian friends that also didn’t know what to say or do to me other than, “finally!” They had no idea how broken I was inside and how scared I was that I could potentially be doomed to hell, burning, crying and damned. I turned to online communities and found even clergy members struggling through this stage as well. After about 6 months, I felt supported and finally could stand then realized that I was going to be ok. I was not struck by lightning and I could live a happy and moral life without god but I couldn’t tell any of my friends or family, so I kept it hidden.

I saw everything with new eyes. I walked around realizing that not everything was created for me by god by just plain beautiful. I wanted to learn more about biology, physics, and everything science. There actually was an answer to things other than just “because, god.” I had deeper desires to understand our world as it is and being ok with science not knowing because it was the logical way to think. I began thinking for myself. This seems like a pretty weird thing to write but I was so lazy in my thinking. I just always relied that god had all the answers and I didn’t need to know anything, I didn’t need to think critically. I just sat back and thought god would just pave the path for me. I wasn’t interested in making a life for myself but living to die to just get to heaven. I started seeing humanity as beautiful and wanted to do something about issues instead of just praying about it, I could do something about it. I felt empowered to take action. I started volunteering more, I learned how not to judge so quickly. I realized thoughts and prayers don’t feed the homeless or help restore a city after a flood.

Speaking of judgment, I judged a lot of people. I was quick to label and think they needed god and I needed to pray for them. For example “Poor homeless guy...I shouldn’t approach him but at least I can pray for him, he needs it, he needs god,” would go through my head. Who the hell was I to judge that he was even homeless and needed my pity to begin with? Again, I felt empowered to have basic human traits like actually go talk to them just to simply say hi or to flat out ask if they needed any help.

After trying this “humanistic approach” I began to see cause and effects of history. The finger pointing began at this stage when I realized how rare and cool it was that I am full Native American and had no concept of my culture. It was growing up in a Christian home that blocked me from learning anything about my roots. I started to get angry when I realized that my mother was put in a boarding school as a child and forced to speak English. She was punished when she did not and was forced to be a Christian. When she married my father, she carried her beliefs and passed them onto our family. I started off getting angry at my parents, but I soon realized they were just doing their best. I started to look at Christianity as a whole and how it has disrupted culture. I reacted mostly in anger.

When I realized I was angry, I ultimately felt like I just got out of an abusive relationship. My focus was on trying to please an angry man and if I strayed or didn’t anything bad, he would punish me, BUT he loved me. I remember lying in bed each night as a kid praying the salvation prayer over and over just to insure me. I cried when I had an impure thought and had many nights crying myself to sleep because I lived in fear and guilt 100% of the time. I was mad that this was all for nothing. In my head, I thought that the song, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” was literally about god and his son Jesus coming back [to town].

My anger stage is something you’re probably familiar with, as I lashed out on social media, pissed. I started this blog and felt it was necessary for me to “come out.” The majority of reasons why were because online communities helped me so I thought I could in turn help others. My target audience was my young cousins growing up in churches. I wanted them to know they do not need to live in fear and guilt like I did. I want them to know they do not need to cry themselves to sleep each night saying the lord’s prayer or the salvation prayer on repeat. I now want my niece and nephew to realize even though they are being indoctrinated, they can live a healthy moral life without believing in god.

I’ve learned to let go of the anger and be thankful for my experience in religion. I do feel like the anger is triggered when something like culture is being robbed, child indoctrination continues, or when I see “sending thoughts and prayers” in response to something catastrophic or when physical action can be done. I love reminiscing of the days in youth group, summer bible camp, trips to Christian conferences, listening to powerful speakers, singing praise and worship, the auditorium lights, drums, acting in plays, playing hide and seek in the baptism tub, skipping Sunday school to hide out in the fire escape stairwell, bible study at numerous houses, couches to cry on, hands to hold, community to rely on, you name it! Going from this to a complete Atheist that has also gone through many emotional states of realizing this, is a meaningful journey that I am stoked to share.

Dream Catching

Do you ever feel like you’re meant to do something greater than what you’re doing now? The old song of, “following your dreams” but your dreams don’t make money or set you up for retirement. I listened to a TED talk a while back and it was about how everyone in that room was not going to end up happy. They will have dreams and inspirations but what it takes to truly follow your passions, no one has it inside them to actually get up and do. Well, that’s at least what I got out of that talk…sort of depressing when you realize it’s true.

I can’t help but feel this burning sensation inside me to pursue passions, my problem is, I have too many. I get so excited about different things all over the place and I am not sure how to grab them from above me and put them into action.

I left a thriving career back in Portland, and occasionally ask myself, why did I leave it all back in 2013? As heartbreaking as it was to leave my beloved Portland, I can’t stand being unhappy. I'll admit, most of the time I feel like that bratty millennial, the generation that raised me now complain about. I had a hardworking father that came from a line of a hardworking family. I in no way feel “entitled” to be given things I feel like I deserve but I won’t say no if it’s offered. I do, however, feel entitled to the life that I have complete control over and like to pursue the things that do make me happy. Things that make me happy are thriving and contributing in a community.

From one perspective, this is the only life we have to live – YOLO. Who wants to keep working for “the man?” Why not drop everything, as you never know when your life will end. Why not be known as a person of passionate pursuits? It’s so romantic and takes a lot of motivation to actually do. “Motivation,” takes me back to the TED talk that not a whole lot of people have in order to do the YOLO.  It’s like getting off the grid type pursuits that will still max out our credit cards to do but you need the good credit score to get the card. It’s a cycle of times I unfortunately won’t see my generation getting away with.

Since discovering my love of the outdoors, I always pictured myself on the cover of Outside Magazine, Backpacker blog, or even the Navajo Times giving expert outdoor and backpacking advice. I imagined I would be leading novice groups of people on a mountain, telling jokes, giving random facts of the natural history and plants around us. My dreams were rudely interrupted when I got to the glass doors of 1401 SW Naito Parkway PDX, OR (work).

Those of you that just met me or didn’t know me in Portland; I worked hard in hospitality and even saw myself grow in my career. My hospitality gig started after my breakup in Utah circa 2008. I wanted to go to Alaska so badly I’d do anything. That anything happened to be accepting a position as a housekeeper for Princess Tours (Cruises). That was the worst and best experience of my life - for one, I met my lifetime best friend, Abby. Second, I also got lost and ended up on Fox News along with a story of my near death experience that inspires my every day. This was also a turning point not only in my religious beliefs but has affected my entire life. It was the YOLO experience but I also got a second chance. It was also the first time I worked hard in many aspects. I worked hard to protect my pride, my choices, and my work. I worked hard to prove myself to my company, my co-workers, my family, but most importantly myself.

After this summer experience I was able to land a job as an Assistant Housekeeping Manger for Marriott Hotels and Resorts in Downtown Portland. The wonderful woman that hired me was pregnant and needed someone to take over the department while she was on maternity leave. I had 3 months to train and learn from the best before she went into labor. She hired me little on experience and mostly on my desire to learn. She wanted to mentor me and she made me a confident leader with a passion and focus in employee engagement and revenue management. She may not realize it (she probably knows) but she inspired me to not only become a better businesswoman but a better person. She had a great family and was so genuine and honest. She also was the comic relief in awkward senior director staff meetings, was completely charming and witty. I grew a fascination with her and let her guide me and teach me everything in hospitality management, we created programs that increased both productivity and staff engagement. Working with her was my intro to data collection and establishing relationships with outside vendors and businesses as a whole.

As she knew my strengths and weaknesses, every time there was a better opportunity for me, she was the first person to encourage me apply for the task. I ended up getting promoted 3 times within 3 years. I felt amazing; I was 23 and had a free downtown parking space, an awesome apartment, single and dating freely, and had decent salary all while living and working in downtown Portland.

After my last promotion, I was also really involved with a good group of friends that went rock climbing, camping, backpacking every weekend when I became addicted. I also left my boss’ management and worked for another woman that ended up being a ferocious bull dyke. Never in my life have I experienced such micromanagement, disrespect and all around bullshit. I spent my last 4 years growing, learning, and making things happen. I had the resume and experience but not the respect from my boss. While she hired me for the right skills, our personalities completely clashed. I eventually started to hate waking up and the thought of working with her and even the site of the building.

I wrote a post back in 2013 how I “retired” and decided to “follow my dreams,” however following my dreams required having a Bachelor’s degree. I ended up enrolling at Naropa University for Wilderness Therapy but that quickly came to a halt when I spent one summer in the Sierra Nevada.

The morning came to move from Bear Valley, CA to Boulder, CO and I stopped in Angel's Camp, CA for coffee and breakfast. I whipped out my computer and Googled, "Colleges in the Sierra Nevada." I never heard of Sierra Nevada College but it was located in Incline Village, NV and close to Lake Tahoe. I texted my friend Rachel about it and she replied, "I could definitely see you living in Tahoe, it just fits you, why didn't I realize this till now?!" That was enough for me to enroll late at Sierra Nevada College (SNC-Tahoe), in Incline Village.

When I got to Incline, I did not realize it was located on the north shore of Lake Tahoe (I seriously didn’t know). I heard they had a similar but accelerated program in outdoor adventure leadership and psychology for transfer students. Every job I wanted was dealing with people outdoors and required a certification or degree, which SNC-Tahoe was the perfect solution. It also happened to be located 3 blocks from the best private beach. 

During my time at SNC-Tahoe, I got experience in guiding, leading and planning outdoor trips. I also went to guide school to be a raft guide prior, which I got paid to do on weekends. I got my swift water, wilderness first responder, and leave no trace master educator certification. I worked at various camps creating curriculum and mentoring over and under-served kids. It was a humbling experience to take everything I knew about management and learn my most effective leadership style had nothing to do with business management. I probably could’ve done a better job at leading my hospitality team, I think about going back to do it right often. Learning self-awareness was the key to my leadership style and working with weird people in general – this was from raw experience not found in any textbook or corporate workshop. To actually deal with life or death situations made everything more real and genuine. Treat people like we’re on a boat in the middle of a class V River, even in an office.

I originally thought I wanted to get into Wilderness Therapy, however, working with people that are looking for advice but don’t actually do anything with it really irritates me. Also working with people that are “thrown” into therapy and don’t want to be there is something I don’t want to waste my time on. I love what the outdoors did for me, it made me humble, it made me want to be there and respect nature along with respecting and getting to know myself. It was fun, it was real, and I connected so much with the people that were there with me.  Therapy happened naturally, you couldn’t force it.

I didn’t realize it till this moment. I have those pictures of leading and talking to novice groups. That was one personal goal I thought would be cool, I didn’t realize I already accomplished that. I have paid off earning my certifications by getting hired with various companies and private parties for having. BTW if you’re ever interested in working in Outdoor Ed, get your WFR and Swift Water certification and know your basic LNT principals.

I did a National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) course during my undergrad; it was actually my final 3 credits for graduation. We did a NOLS-pro course which was a special structured course with NOLS curriculum mixed with SNC-Tahoe goals in southern Utah for 21-days. I wrote about that experience in a previous post, Learn from the Wilderness.

After accomplishing this with flying colors, I knew I needed to work for an organization like NOLS. My instructors were my awesome previous boss times a million. They were the best mentors that eventually recommended I take a whitewater instructor course. I view them to this day as thriving contributors to society as they shape and mentor leaders for the future. Yeah, I’ll even go cheesier than that if you ask. They instruct and train CEOs of fortune 500 companies, even the highest leaders of the leaders in the Navy.

As I winded down my time at SNC-Tahoe and NOLS, I knew organizational psychology (IO-Industrial Organization) was what I wanted to get more involved with. Especially dealing with all that research of “online behavior.” I am a fairly observant person, I may say a lot but mostly I don’t say much, I watch. I observe behaviors in group settings and I creepily stare at leaders in organizations to know their style. I thought if I have worked for thriving corporations that needed more, I should work for organizations that lead right and bring that back. It’s always the what I should go back and do right in my mind – I was that terrible manager at Marriott, if only I could go back now.

As part of the NOLS-alumni job network I received daily emails of organizations hiring for people with NOLS experience. One job in particular I knew I was highly qualified for was an Admission Officer position. I worked in financial aid, registrar and as a web assistant back at SNC-Tahoe, this would be cake. Upon my interview the boss said it was a combination of marketing and not exactly what was posted. Intrigued, it was a foot in the door to a successful organization. I knew I couldn’t turn it down, if I did, I would always wonder.

Stepping back to circa 2013, I attended a personality workshop that my General Manager at Marriott (boutique hotels) facilitated. One exercise was pairing up with someone and pouring out what you’ve always wanted to do and plan how to get there. Nick and I (I wrote about him in my post “ActionPlanning”) got into a conversation of NOLS – he was probably the first to tell me about it. He said it would be cool to work or do a course with them. This was the first time I Googled their website and it ended up being a long-term goal.

So here I am in Lander, Wyoming working at the Headquarters office of NOLS..."following my dreams and not making any money." It’s been a crazy two weeks I can’t believe. Happy with my decision I am actually frozen at where to go from here. I am working a niche job where passionate people have come together to collaborate and achieve the goal of creating more effective leaders. I drank the Kool-aid on the first day. I am excited to see where this leads me next. 

Indian Adventures

“If everyone could go to India once in their life, the world would be completely different and you’d come back a better person,” the Director of Instructor Staffing at NOLS said this at a meeting during mountaineer updates. 

India was never on my list of places to go. I thought of India being exotic with tigers and cool buildings like in Aladdin, until I spoke with my mother. She said, “Ew why?! India is so dirty and you’ll get ripped off.” Very Christian of her, I first thought, then I tried to think of all the Indians I did know and sure enough seemed to have some existence of fraud.  

I tried to contact friends that have been here before but 2 of 3 were very weird about giving me any advice. They would tell me, “India is not a vacation destination, choose a different place to vacation.” Or “You’re just going to get robbed.” This sort of thing would creep me out but it was already a done deal and I was not religious or superstitious. It’s just a different part of the world that I was privileged to discover with an open mind.

The idea of going to India seemed more appealing when I saw pictures of unique architecture, mosaic tiles, and then remembered all religious beliefs that were taboo for me to learn or even know about - like yoga, Buddha, and Sikhism. I also thought about those fine silks and spices that Columbus once tried to discover. I would be the one to find these fine silks and spices, do some yoga, and treat my palette to some spicy authentic Indian food.

We decided on flights last minute and when I say last minute, it truly was last minute. We purchased flight tickets on a Monday for a flight out on Wednesday. On Monday night I discovered there was a Visa needed to travel into India even for a quick tourist visit. We rushed online around 10pm and applied for a tourist Visa then woke up with an email approving our Visas! Yippee, we’re going to India tomorrow.

Looking back India was a fascinating, interesting and exciting cultural experience. I view the world slightly different after going and experiencing India. For one, when I have cell phone problems I can no longer say it’s a First World problem, I’ve seen the poorest of the poor in remote India not have cell phone issues. More than that, it was the food, the chaos, smells, scenery, architecture, history, religions, and people.

We flew into New Delhi, while the airport was amazing, it was completely crazy filled with tons of horns of taxis and rickshaws, people shouting and didn't mind signs or lines on the roads. We managed to find a JW Marriott car to provide us with American customer service, bottled water and air conditioning while listening to Barry Manilow. The hotel was gorgeous for about $70 USD we were treated with top-notch service. We hired a car with a tour guide and driver the next day that took us around [Old] Delhi and some parts of New Delhi. Things got real awkward when we later ended up at a random boutique shop with high-pressure Persian rug sales. I really hate awkward things and tend to be very forward and direct by not wasting anyone’s time, as we were walking out mean things were yelled at us but we laughed on the way to the hotel on how strange that was. Back at the hotel we decided to hop a plane to Dharmsala located in Himachal Pradesh where the Dalai Lama lives. It is also the headquarters of the Central Tibetan Administration (the Tibetan government in exile) located in the foothills of the Himalayas. It’s known as a “Little Tibet” as it houses Tibetan refugees. There are quite the number of temples, monasteries and schools including yoga teacher training.

I found where all the white women were at when we attended a Buddhist meditation one morning, Beastie Boys would be proud.  While in Dharmashala (btw I will probably never spell the city correctly nor consistently) it was monsoon season and it definitely poured rain. It created little streams in the road washing down the tons of trash dumped on the roads. It was really surprising how much garbage was found everywhere. The smells of the streets were completely horrendous. While exploring a town in Upper McLeodGanj I threw up on the street because I couldn’t hold my breath any longer and had to gasp a huge polluted breath that eventually emptied my stomach. The cute little monkeys surrounded the garbage bins in between the cows. It was interesting to always hear that cows are sacred in India then to see someone throw their trash by a cow and see the cow eat it. No wonder they don’t eat cows. It was more disturbing to be a National Park that was not protected from pollution, poverty, and more trash scattered throughout the waterfalls.

Speaking of eating meat, if you plan on going, plan on being vegetarian. Preserving meat didn’t seem to concern anyone and the sight of walking by a butcher with all his meat covered in bugs was just a tad disturbing. The sanitary conditions was eye-opening, however, we ended up having an amazing experience attending and staying a week at a B.K.S Iyengar Yoga retreat. Iyengar yoga is a form of Hatha Yoga that has an emphasis on detail, precision and alignment in the performance of posture (asana) and breath control (pranayama). The development of strength, mobility and stability is gained through the asanas. It was a theory that was based on your base, which is your feet and toes. Brining awareness to parts of your body including your little toe that will align your body naturally. A big part of the deal was using various props and a great number of them. We would hold poses for 10 minutes at a time and continue to do bridge poses over and over 50 times in a row. It felt like torture but the results of feeling amazing couldn’t be beat. We stayed in the “suite” that was a rustic loft where to ceiling right above the toilet leaked and housed huge softball sized spiders. The toilet seat was made for people to stand on so it was in the shape of a huge shell and wasn’t quite screwed on tight and was always wet from the rain. I eventually created a solution by attaching an umbrella above, it’s a good thing I always pack p-cord.

After our time in Dharmashala we headed to Agra, India to visit the Taj Mahal. The Taj Mahal was commissioned by Shah Jahan in 1631, to be built in the memory of his wife Mumtaz Mahal, a Persian princess who died giving birth to their 14th child, Gauhara Begum. Construction of the Taj Mahal began in 1632. While it was a beautiful place with astounding architecture, I have never felt so violated. With tiny children pick pocketing me, feeling up my shirt and following so closely, it was really hard to enjoy the greatness of this art. We were fully warned by our guide to not bring anything or keep anything on us which we were glad we did. 

Despite the awkward sales encounters, litter, leaky ceilings, shady people, and smells, it really is a superstitious population and amazing place. People (not just India) tend to be intrigued with superstition; prayer wheels, chants, flags, and religion. It was fascinating how chaotic they live their lives with these and driving and have no sense of organization or order. I read that it can be quite the culture shock with the amount of space is given and hotels don’t knock on your door and will just walk in. This wasn’t so much an issue but maybe I was a bit prepared for what we consider rude. I was also fortunate to come back to New Delhi and check back into the JW Marriott to be upgraded in a suite before our 17-hour flight back to Newark, NJ then SFO. 

I can’t even describe the extent of my experience and what I saw. Everyone needs to go, you need to experience the culture to be humbled. You will have a different take on the world and come back a different person with a bigger lens. I for one am down for binge eating parantha, listening to Punjabi music, and watching Indian movies all day.

Thanks for reading

–Namaste (form of a respectful Hindu greeting and goodbyes)

The Real Reason I Moved to Wyoming

Did I ever tell to you about my cult I want to start? I am not sure if you knew or picked up that I am polyamorous. If you don’t know this about me then I probably just met you or you probably haven’t lived around me to sit and get into the conversation of since 2012. For those of you not sure what that is, here is a Wiki definition: Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. 

Origins of Erica entering such a sin dates back when I started this blog September 2012. If you remember I left the Christian church and pronounced myself an Atheist, which I still proudly claim. During the time I was born again again, I came into the realm of self-awareness and reevaluating all aspects of my life. It was like a second chance to start over since that creepy guy in the sky that watched me masturbate and feel bad about such urges governed my entire life. I noticed in my romantic relationships felt shady as I either cheated or wanted at some point to cheat on my boyfriends. They were all great guys but I was always attracted to other men and found myself liking being desired by them even though I was in a mutually committed relationship. Diving more into this, I asked myself why have I always been like this? It almost felt natural and something that I would never be able to entirely let go of. I hated being told “no” and it was like abstinence programs and the more they say no then the more I want to rebel. If I was monogamous and told I couldn’t look and it wasn’t natural to be attracted then that totally sucked and wasn’t going to fly. 

I ended up meeting a pretty cute guy in Portland during my online dating frenzy and we really hit it off. Things were going great for a few weeks but he was just going through a divorce and wasn’t ready for anything serious. We talked a little about books and one in particular came about called “Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships.” This book was a huge eye-opener and answered a lot of questions on how I felt “trapped” in my previous relationships and that it’s part of my natural biology to take over these urges and attractions. They can all be facilitated and nurtured when you are self-aware and can communicate them to a partner or potential partner. I walked away with a deeper understanding of humanity and came to conclude I was interested yet didn’t really know where to begin. So as this gentleman suggested this reading we also parted ways and I was a little sad but in the end completely understood he needed time to move on and finalize this divorce. 

A couple months went by and I ran into him downtown one afternoon, happy to see him and still very much attracted to him we went for cocktails around the NW neighborhood where he found a new apartment and sold him and the ex’s house. After a few drinks I ended up back at his place and the next morning I notice there are additional women’s clothing and he begins to give me the inclination that he’s been seeing someone. I was a little upset at the fact he broke it off with me to pursue singlehood but got into a serious relationships just after we called it. She happened to be out of town and I asked if he was going to tell her and he said, of course, she already knows about you and it’s ok. Completely weirded out I left and went on with my life thinking he was a little crazy and I didn’t want to involve myself in any drama.

A couple more months went by and we really didn’t talk much but many a text of “hey” here and there. Lo and behold I run into him again and he informed me that he just moved into a bigger apartment and I should come check it out and have dinner. I show up and didn’t realize not only was the girlfriend there but they moved in together at this place. Luckily she happened to be quite charming, welcoming and it was weird how not weird it was. She completely knew I was into her man and cool with it. It was the most freeing thing to experience that I could be open about my feelings and they were acknowledged and respected. This dude and me started dating again but this time it was very open in communication and understanding, it felt natural and it was fun. After a while I changed my OkCupid dating profile to meet more people like this and discovered a whole new community of open relationships. They were so much better in talking openly about their feelings, their wants, and were completely comfortable with their lives. After this experience of dating men in open marriages and relationships I couldn’t go back to monogamy. 

As I was moving onto #EricasRevolution I wanted to carry this with me, like I said I couldn’t go back. I luckily met a man in Lake Tahoe that was open to trying. He bought books to educate himself and we could as a couple redefine what worked and what didn’t. It was nice to be so flexible with someone where we could make our own rules and when I would push the boundaries, he was able to express his concern and we went back to the drawing board to figure what worked best for us, and not concerned what society thought the rules were.

Today I continue to be open; I wasn’t always living with this theory in mind. People change and I am open to changing again, but for now I am content on being polyamorous…until recently.

As I do more research on open relationships, I came across the term “polyandry.” Polyandry is the practice of one woman taking two or more husbands. The custom evolved in human cultures where resources, particularly land and food, were scarce, and/or where women were allowed to own property or ancestral titles of rank. While this isn’t entirely new, it hasn’t really been around in my godly world.

While I truly believe monogamy is not natural, there are some exceptions that I have encountered. Weird people like my sister, my coworker, Rachel, my good friends that I married Michelle and Kent that just make sense, it wouldn’t really appeal to them to be in open relationships and it’s very rare for couples to make sense.

With this said, I recently had the opportunity to visit and stay with my good friends Kent and Michelle. I had the privilege of officiating their wedding a couple years ago. The best part of their wedding was the preparation in their wedding vows, I truly enjoyed getting them pumped to spend the rest of their lives together. I even offered but they declined my two for one deal. Anyway during my visit we were catching up and I think every married person wants an insight on my crazy dating life so as I was sharing my cult idea. Michelle and Kent have their own business, Michelle designs and children’s clothes by hand and Kent “runs the business.” During my sharing we really got carried away with this concept of my cult.

I would really like to take on polyandry but also extend this offer to men as well as other various types of persons to be in open relationships. These types of relationships are based on clear and open communication, team building, self-awareness and promote a healthy lifestyle. We are known as the “More-Man.” As I was pitching my cult to my friends Michelle and Kent, Kent mentioned land is fairly cheap in Wyoming. We concluded the best option was to purchase a few acres and turn my cult into a real live “Dude Ranch.” Michelle and I have a mutual friend that grew up in a polygamous family in Utah. The main guy would ride around on a four-wheeler around the complex. The thought of a sustainable Dude Ranch would have to substitute the wheeler for two beefy husbands to carry me on their shoulders as we inspect the Ranch.

So here I am in the middle of Wyoming checking out cheap land, horses, best soils for farming, all for a sustainable Dude Ranch for the More-Man Brother Husbands.

The More-Man Brother Husbands Dude Ranch, the more the merrier

The Notable Noble

When I arrived in Lander I heard about this place that will house NOLS instructors and students on the cheap. I walked into the Noble Hotel, the lights were dim if not off, and as my eyes adjusted the woman at the front desk says, “Let me guess, you’re homeless.” Well, I didn’t quite think of it that way but yes, yes I am homeless. She asked how long I needed a place to live and I ambitiously answered, “Just till Friday.”  She grabbed a key that was attached to a 3 by 5 inch block of wood with the numbers 235 written. She asked for my card and said, “That’s a grand total of $35 to stay till Friday.”

The Noble went through renovations and is quite delightful upon entrance; stained glass ceiling, old hardwood floors, grand fireplace, framed pictures of Shoshone tribes, Paul Petzoldt, western cowboys, and dead animals heads covered the walls. While this renovation is quite appreciated, the stench of my room was quite horrendous. It reminded me of my moldy tent I didn’t dry and rolled up after a storm in Alaska adding the soiled underwear I had coming off the Grand Canyon after 16 days along with the smell of my used Band-Aids after backpacking 21 days in Utah then multiplied by 10 recycled bins of unwashed beer bottles that have been sitting in an airtight container for a month or two. Tired and happy with the price, I couldn’t complain, there was a basket full of clean twin sized flat sheets and towels. There was a pillow on each of the mattresses covered in plastic. I made my bed and dozed off to be later awakened by the water heater housed next door that sounded like a drill sawing through beams on a new house. I got zero sleep and got ready in the community bathroom down the hall drowning my eyes in Visine before heading to my second day of work. After getting ready for work, I headed up to the 3^rd floor where the community kitchen was to find another guy cooking an omelet that smelled amazing. Not sure of my bearings, I asked if I could have some of his hot water to make coffee to later find community coffee and a French Press, then felt like a dick.

As NOLS students come here before their course, Thursday night was poppin’ at The Noble. A group of seemingly 21-year old guys checked in to slam doors, sing in hallways and talk about going to the bars around Lander. I went to Safeway to buy a bottle of liquid Sleep-Aid and for the first time I actually got sleep and woke up to navigate through the hallways stepping over backpacks to get to the bathroom.

Friday came fast I got one lead on a house for rent with two other co-workers. The available date to move in is May 1^st so I extended my stay at The Noble. I was fortunate enough to move rooms to hopefully get have a quiet night. So far, it’s been good. The Noble is located approximately 90 steps away from work and nine-ish dollars a night, I can’t complain.