Wilderness
is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit, and as vital to our lives
as water and good bread. –Edward Abbey
Getting out into the southwestern desert can be quite the
bitch. From a range of emotions – gratitude, anger, trust, honesty, teamwork,
openness, inner and outer strength, the list goes on as you are completely and
always 24/7 out of your comfort zone for 21 days.
I minored in a program called Outdoor Adventure Leadership,
which consisted of my first semester in 101 to properly prepare for 3-day
expeditions, outdoor skills, leadership and teamwork. We went whitewater
rafting, sea kayaking, rock climbing, and snowshoe backpacking. The second
course of the semester were these things but including more leadership style and
learning about yourself and how you work with other’s leadership styles. It
also included more intensive outdoor skills and navigation.
The 3rd class was deigned to be a guide by
learning about your environment, history, etc. but I skipped that to go on an
8-day rafting trip down the Rogue River in Oregon. Here we learned how to pack
for longer rafting expeditions, meal prep, gear prep, hydrology, history and
ecology as we teamed up with environmental science students. The 4th
core class was about wilderness ethics – land management, permit holding, and
philosophy of future outdoor leaders with a lot of Edward Abbey mixed in.
My final was this 21-day leadership expedition, to put all
this into practice and traverse through the canyons of Southern Utah. I was
graded on my behavior under stress, my ability to lead a team, outdoor skill
knowledge, terrain navigation, teamwork, and other minimal things such as
preparation. A perfect "A" with a recommendation to be a future NOLS leader and a
certification for LNT master educator was included but I couldn’t help but
think of the day Brad and I broke up. It was unexpected and heartbreaking. The
only thing to get over it was to walk … for a very long time through the
canyons of northern Utah. How did I come to the day where I could make this a
potential career? The dating days of us, I absolutely hated the outdoors, I
hated sweating, and hiking and that smell you have after being outside all day.
I laughed as I reminisced this part of my life and also laughed because I
really do have an incredible about of tolerance for adverse populations and
situations. My greatest strength is to laugh through anything and not take life
so seriously.
I noticed a couple of my peers were highly emotional and led
through their fears. Embarrassed for them, it was eye opening how much people
are different when you are experiencing the exact same thing, the exact terrain,
the exact calories eaten.
I never experienced such gratitude for women in the
outdoors. We are truly badass when it comes to “roughing it.” Rolling with the
punches, the ladies on this trip were classy broads to the core - Unbelievable
teamwork, compassion, emotionally stable, and all around beautiful attitudes
through the entire trip. What was really surprising was the men on this trip
were not that fortune to carry these traits. Emotionally attached to their
ideas, and heartbroken and acted out on frustration, these men were difficult
to put up with, at least 3 of the 5. I have never witnessed such selfishness
and denial in my entire life. Such coward men can be thinking only of
themselves and not getting anywhere but disrespect from others. I really hope they
decided to grow up after this trip.
The thing I love about the wilderness is you really see true
colors, not only in nature but also in others and most importantly, in
yourself. How would you react when 12 people including yourself are out of
water and there is only enough for 2? When you are the only person that brought
extra personal snacks and your team is starving but you have to ration it out? How
do you react when half of your team is sleeping in a canyon and not sure where
the other half is and a flashflood breaks loose? What do you do when you have a
river running underneath your only sleeping bag and dry clothes? What do you do when your air
mat pops on day 6 of 21? When you literally have to be honest and speak with
you are thinking? How do you lead a strong team that disagrees with you?
I’ve been consistently out of my comfort zone, this program and
past wilderness experiences has forced me to be direct and honest, so please
forgive my ability to be forward, you just never know …
Nothing can fuck with your emotions more than being out in the wilderness, climbing Mt. Whitney for example. I cried like a baby for the views and also because of my blisters. I hated and loved the sun. I loved the wind yet hated it. I couldn't stand the people but loved and couldn't have done it without them. Talk about crazy, that wilderness will have you for lunch.
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. --Ed Abbey
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