Learn from the Wilderness

Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit, and as vital to our lives as water and good bread. –Edward Abbey

Getting out into the southwestern desert can be quite the bitch. From a range of emotions – gratitude, anger, trust, honesty, teamwork, openness, inner and outer strength, the list goes on as you are completely and always 24/7 out of your comfort zone for 21 days.

I minored in a program called Outdoor Adventure Leadership, which consisted of my first semester in 101 to properly prepare for 3-day expeditions, outdoor skills, leadership and teamwork. We went whitewater rafting, sea kayaking, rock climbing, and snowshoe backpacking. The second course of the semester were these things but including more leadership style and learning about yourself and how you work with other’s leadership styles. It also included more intensive outdoor skills and navigation.

The 3^rd class was deigned to be a guide by learning about your environment, history, etc. but I skipped that to go on an 8-day rafting trip down the Rogue River in Oregon. Here we learned how to pack for longer rafting expeditions, meal prep, gear prep, hydrology, history and ecology as we teamed up with environmental science students. The 4^th core class was about wilderness ethics – land management, permit holding, and philosophy of future outdoor leaders with a lot of Edward Abbey mixed in.

My final was this 21-day leadership expedition, to put all this into practice and traverse through the canyons of Southern Utah. I was graded on my behavior under stress, my ability to lead a team, outdoor skill knowledge, terrain navigation, teamwork, and other minimal things such as preparation. A perfect "A" with a recommendation to be a future NOLS leader and a certification for LNT master educator was included but I couldn’t help but think of the day Brad and I broke up. It was unexpected and heartbreaking. The only thing to get over it was to walk … for a very long time through the canyons of northern Utah. How did I come to the day where I could make this a potential career? The dating days of us, I absolutely hated the outdoors, I hated sweating, and hiking and that smell you have after being outside all day. I laughed as I reminisced this part of my life and also laughed because I really do have an incredible about of tolerance for adverse populations and situations. My greatest strength is to laugh through anything and not take life so seriously.

I noticed a couple of my peers were highly emotional and led through their fears. Embarrassed for them, it was eye opening how much people are different when you are experiencing the exact same thing, the exact terrain, the exact calories eaten.

I never experienced such gratitude for women in the outdoors. We are truly badass when it comes to “roughing it.” Rolling with the punches, the ladies on this trip were classy broads to the core - Unbelievable teamwork, compassion, emotionally stable, and all around beautiful attitudes through the entire trip. What was really surprising was the men on this trip were not that fortune to carry these traits. Emotionally attached to their ideas, and heartbroken and acted out on frustration, these men were difficult to put up with, at least 3 of the 5. I have never witnessed such selfishness and denial in my entire life. Such coward men can be thinking only of themselves and not getting anywhere but disrespect from others. I really hope they decided to grow up after this trip.

The thing I love about the wilderness is you really see true colors, not only in nature but also in others and most importantly, in yourself. How would you react when 12 people including yourself are out of water and there is only enough for 2? When you are the only person that brought extra personal snacks and your team is starving but you have to ration it out? How do you react when half of your team is sleeping in a canyon and not sure where the other half is and a flashflood breaks loose? What do you do when you have a river running underneath your only sleeping bag and dry clothes? What do you do when your air mat pops on day 6 of 21? When you literally have to be honest and speak with you are thinking? How do you lead a strong team that disagrees with you?

I’ve been consistently out of my comfort zone, this program and past wilderness experiences has forced me to be direct and honest, so please forgive my ability to be forward, you just never know …

Nothing can fuck with your emotions more than being out in the wilderness, climbing Mt. Whitney for example. I cried like a baby for the views and also because of my blisters. I hated and loved the sun. I loved the wind yet hated it. I couldn't stand the people but loved and couldn't have done it without them. Talk about crazy, that wilderness will have you for lunch. 

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. --Ed Abbey 

Update with an Anniversary of the Palsy

It’s been a year and 4 months of obnoxious over sharing on the Facebook. Thank you for sticking with me, as I seemed to have built a “presence,” as a friend put it. 

A quick reference for those new friends:

I started a blog to “come out” of religion as I grew up with very strong religious beliefs then one day I got sick then got Bell’s Palsy, one year ago exact today (why my face is fucked up now with the lazy eye and weird smile). I used this time to reflect and pray to God to help me heal and give me strength through this hard time. I also used to work a lot, like a lot a lot and I think it was the stress that got to me. I took this as a sign that I needed some time off, during this time, I stumbled upon a documentary that inspired me to think critically and eventually after research, I thought for myself for the first time and formed my own belief. This new belief, to my surprise, did not include god. I very much felt the rug being pulled underneath me and I started writing my thoughts as I noticed myself transforming and incorporating new beliefs without God in my daily life. I felt it necessary as I found it therapeutic to do. I did feel sincere heartbreak breaking up with God.

Over time, my blog became a great source to communicate to the masses as I traveled and moved around often. I’ve met a ton of new people and I got the chance to visit old friends, and would visit family – they would always ask, “What are you up to now?” Tired of repeating the same thing over and over, I added my new adventures and updates to my blog.

Since my last post, one year and 5 months ago, I sort of stopped, as I didn’t have time in between school, working 3.5 jobs, traveling and going on more adventures. I decided to use Facebook as a means of mass communication, which has worked immensely. I know this as I run into friends and they say, “I would ask how you’re doing, but it feels like we hang out every day.” This was the very thing I was striving for. At times I felt it was a bit much as I can be quite ridiculous however, instead of sitting down to write about it, I expressed it via the interwebs of the FB. Thank you for putting up with them (if you’re still connected). I’ve also noticed since I get the “Memories” notification how many people have deleted me. It’s quite entertaining.  

So how do I sum up one year and 4 months of updates that are aside the FB? Last two posts were an anniversary for Abby, and me, which I just visited her in Minnesota. I NEVER thought I’d ever go to Minnesota by the way. I remember making fun of my buddy when we met in Alaska thinking what the heck is out in Gaylord, Minnesota?? I also completed Erica’s Revolution phase 1. Wow, it feels like an accomplishment as I never thought I’d see the day.

Here’s what Phase 1 consisted of: I gave up a comfortable life in Portland to start over and create a new career, to complete a degree in Psychology and Outdoor Adventure Leadership. I can’t believe one day sitting in my office in Portland and saying, “eff this.” Going through action planning of corporate strategy of how to get scores higher, how to motivate a staff, manage a department, deal with the micro-manger breathing down my back and have lived more than I have ever lived before all within the last 2 years and also learned more about effective leadership in the outdoors than I ever did in a corporate meeting. For the record, I am very thankful for my working experience in Portland as it has trained me on business development, resort management, etc.

Ironically, I can’t wait to get back in what I was just complaining about above. I have a love for Organizational/Industrial Psych. I have worked up my resume to get as involved as I can in leadership, education and curriculum development with a bit of research. I love getting paid to think and be creative. I love working outside and spending time creating ways to do an old job like new. Guiding and leading trips is what I have been up to while in school, and it has been the greatest learning experience.

I have spent one of the best summers of my life traveling and guiding. I completed my final 3 credits of college by going on a NOLS course for 21-days in Southern Utah, I’ll have to write another blog about that – what a trip! I was hired with a Colorado company called Big City Mountaineers but between completing my degree, research, presenting at UCLA and getting ready for Utah, they wanted me the day I got out of the canyons of Utah. I don’t think I was ready to see myself leave onto a job after this and wanted a break. So when I did get back to Tahoe my man friend took me to India for two weeks. I am incredibly thankful for this trip as well and will share my thoughts on a different post as well.

After India, I figured I should get a job and started looking any and everywhere including China. I interviewed for a position but during my travels and the hiring manager’s schedule we dwindled off on communication. I also wasn’t ready to pick up and leave quite yet either. Not sure what is holding me back, perhaps fear and attachment to the man friend? Nonetheless my summer grew busy creating curriculum for camps, instructing, and guiding on the river. I applied for a friend’s job at Northstar, which is a ski resort in Truckee, CA. I always thought that would be the best job – it’s seasonal, resume worthy and get to help out employees rather than awkward clients. It worked out as I am now working this very position in Human Resources and I love it.

It’s quite hilarious coming from a corporate background to drinking a beer in the morning as you stumble out of your tent and hearing swear words 24/7, yelling at people and telling raunchy jokes back to working in HR.

Things I would say are pretty good. I see myself getting comfortable which makes me feel uncomfortable so I am ready for a change here soon.