I’m
making a rafting pack and checklist, I “saved as” from my backpacking checklist
and noticed the meal plan was dated May 10, 2013. Hey! That is exactly one year
ago! I was planning a trip to Hidden Forest in outside Las Vegas, NV with a
bunch of strangers off Meetup.com during my Revolution.
I have
a lot to say contributing my one-year of throwing my hands up in the air,
fucking my career, my “big girl” salary, and leaving my wonderful St. Clair
apartment in charming downtown Portland. After all this just happened April 30,
2013 when I packed up Dorothy and first stop was headed south towards Salt Lake
City to marry my friend Michelle to her lover. Then taking off to check off
things I’ve always dreamed of doing alone, conquering fears along the way. But
today makes me think of a couple significant things: awesome meals, leadership, and the whole "was it worth it?"
After
seeing this meal plan dated 1 year ago, the one thing I am grateful for is
eating well in the backcountry. For a long time I was stuck with the tuna,
granola, oatmeal, p.b. & j., now after my first year of school in “outdoor
ed.” I am quite proud of landing the self-proclaimed prize of best meals ever
in my cook groups – pizza, fajitas, steak, veggie bean burgers, shrimp wraps,
pad Thai, pancakes, bacon bagels, caprese apps, etc. I think I take pride in
rolling up my sleeves and taking over the meal plans and cooking. It also takes
away the clean up since I’m the chef. You come visit me or come over for dinner
is a whole new story, we are ordering take out! I cannot cook worth beans on
anything other than an MSR Whisperlight. I am pretty sure that is a good thing!
Also revisiting
my post “Keeping Backpacking 101 Sexy” I had the same exposure of backpacking
with inexperience but this time I was in a leadership
course. Backpacking with newbies reminded me of that guy I had to rescue then
left in the desert to die because he was being a dick to me but this time it
was a whole new experience when you have top notch leadership. Trip leaders are…
‘a trip’ to say the least; remarkable people. I have been very fortunate to
have met my leader Daryl last summer in Bear Valley way before even thinking
about Sierra Nevada College and was taken back by the way he led 12-16 year
olds rock climbing. Attitudes and all, he rolled with the punches and left a
lasting impression with not only myself but with my co-workers and young
campers.
So I
have been a manager, but after meeting and taking a course with Daryl, I have
to stand back and honestly ask myself “was I a leader?” Anyone can be a manager but a leader is what my previous boss Autumn
did to me. I wanted to work hard for her, she inspired me, I wanted to make a difference in my
staff’s lives, I wanted to leave at the end of the day feeling that I did good
in the world. While I felt that connection with my staff, the politics of
corporate and I didn’t agree and it was time to move on.
While
Daryl effectively led his crew, there was no way to leave any of the newbies
behind, I was forced to be in a team of 18-23 year olds, you know, the ones I
wrote about earlier in "The 20-Somethings." I was challenged and faced with the question: after giving
up so much, is it worth it?
My last ODAL trip, April 18 – 20, 2014 was great to get
back on the river and use the skills that I learned just over one year ago in
guide school. After the weekend and talking to old friends, I found myself in a
very reflective mood. One year ago during Easter (which was in March) I came to
Nevada City, CA to visit my dear friend, Rachel. We rafted the Upper Yuba River
and I was introduced to many of her friends that basically grew up on the
river.
Unhappy with my job, they were inspiring people with lots of jokes and
stories, which by the end of my trip they eventually talked me into coming down
in May to get training for guide school. Knowing I had to put my deep fear of
water on behind me, I made a huge decision to face my fears and give up a
comfortable life in Oregon. I remember the first couple days of guide school, I
could not sleep and when I did I had nightmares of drowning and rapids we went
through thinking the worst. After completing guide school and having a better
understanding of my fear, I realized I did not have a respect for water and
therefore was scared of it as I wrote about in "Fear the River Lords." Once I developed how to read the water, maintain a
level of respect and be safe, I fell in love and a new hobby was formed.
This last class trip also made me reflect on my semester
in ODAL 101 realizing that the words “management” and “leadership” go hand in
hand but they are not the same thing. During my summer of 2013, I was in heaven
working with no management title and felt like I was free with zero
responsibilities. As a manager over the last 3 years, my job was to plan,
organize, coordinate, administer, maintain, and focus on systems and structure
of a corporation. Having good leadership this semester makes me realize what it
is like to be a leader/innovator that can inspire, motivate, originate, focus
on people, and do the right thing.
Anyone can be trained to follow orders, organize the work,
assign the right people, and ensure a job gets done with a focus on budget,
control and efficiency. A leader is an original not a copy that can grab
people’s attention without asking nor demanding it. They are like a raft guide
finding teamwork and leadership imperative, value life, have confidence to make
strong decisions, ready for the unknown, stay calm, can tell a joke and have
fun.
Overall, having this rafting trip on what seems like an
anniversary has brought new focus of my goals and I had to give myself a pat on
the back for walking away from a certain degree of conformity and level of
comfort. I had tried many things to stay in Oregon, and now that I gave up to
essentially start over, I am not regretting it. I wonder what type of new
manager I will be by continuing on developing my leadership skills
instead of my resume skills. Wondering when I put past the ages and egos what lies
ahead. These are minor set backs, within my own self, my goals have always been
very important.
So much happens when you stop your routine to say “yes” to
something even if you don’t know it, learn it later. Life is too short. There is no
eye in the sky determining your destiny; only you can create it by not being
afraid of saying yes.
“If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you’re
not sure you can so it, say yes- then learn how to do it later” [Even if the
someone offering is you].
-Richard Branson
